people are selfish

people are so strange
they always like to chose those people who may not love them as their partner, rahter than to chose those people who are waiting for them.
is it strange?
I think so. At least, I am.
I am not sure he loves me as much as what I thought, but I just wanna put me into this situation
Also, I can predict that I will get hurt from him eventually, and I still wanna keep in going for him
What a stupid I am...
I dont like he talk with his exgirlfrined. ya~I am jealous
but only jealous but nothing
I dont like to be that kind of girl
cos I dont like jealous
I think it's because I can feel the enough sense of safe from him
maybe it's also due to that he can give me it
I just wanna be happy
If happy is more than unhappy in this relationship, I think, I will chose to quit rather than to be a unhappy girl
that's what I am
sometimes, the dangerous love is like a taking drug. u wanna stop it, but u cant
so sad......

i always think about a question which is that what change I have done until now...
I think, it's quite a lot...
but, is it worthy???I donno
most of time, I still cant catch his point in his life
I donno know why...
for example, he told me he wants to go to bed earlier
but now, he is talking with his exgirlfriend....
I dont understand is it important???
I dont think so
I think the point is that he just wanna call her now.....because he wants to make sure his exgirlfriend is friendly for him now, and he donesnt want to hear any changes before he graduate
he doesn't care about my feeling ....
He doesnt want me to talk with him, but he talkswith her....
so.....I cant understand...
people are selfish, arent they??? for sure....I am as well
I feel disappointed
I try to care about his feeling, but I think ...what I did is enough
I cant find any motive to let me do it actively...
maybe, I am the girl who offer sex service and cook the dinner everyday....
hoep I am not...
cos I dont need to do it.....
it seems no one who is worthy to let me do so much for him....

it's time to think about something

now, i think i am sinking in the circle and cant jump out
i think it's hard to separate, the reason may be not u love him so much, may be the feeling of being separated
i am not sure what i am thinking now
i just feel so upset recently
i dont want him who has so many guests
cos i just wanna stay with him alone
but
he doesnt like it
actually
i can feel he has changed a bit
haha
i ve realized we may be not match as much as i think
i think we are getting sober now
it's good to recognize it as earlier as we can
i am happy to meet him
in the beginning, i thought he used me
but i thinked i was wrong
and then , we are getting better
i am happy to stay with him for these months
maybe it's time to calm it down
cos i dont want to feel sad and disappointed
when we separate

it's hard

when u fall in love with someone, it is happy to stay with him whatever you do.
you will feel sad if you have to separate, especially when u just stay together less than five months.
for sure, both of u do wanna be together longer or try to keep this relationship.
at least, that is waht I though, although i donno other's thinking.
but
when u quit a relationship of 8 years, u start another relationship with another one who met you only 5 months.
also, you will be separated because of some reasons which cant be avoided.
will u still believe that u will have a happy ending with him in the future.....
it's hard, right???

what am i to u

i feel stressful and blue, cos too many things surround me.
i dont know how to get rid of those
i wanna quit with him, but i cant get any positive opinion from u
the reason why i want to break up with him is u
however, i cant feel how much u love me and i cant make sure how long u will love me
i think if i cant get a job here, this relationship will be gone soon
eventhough, i still wanna quit
i think that i do really love u
but it doesnt mean that u will love me more
u gave up easily the relationship with her, which let me feel u also may do the same to ours
i really donno what will happen in the future about us
everytime, when u say 'dont forget me' always let me feel i will lose u soon
ya...maybe, it's coming soon

i just wanna say
what am i to u, tell me darling truth